At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
