you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
