Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize