First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Never joke about your clitoris.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
