1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize