I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
