Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
