He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
