you guys were way drunker than both of me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize