He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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