A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
my penis made a compromise with my morals
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
