just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
