If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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