I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
