I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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