We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize