i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
