I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
