Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
