Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
