this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
