She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
