I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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