I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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