OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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