No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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