You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
