how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize