Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
