if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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