Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
