The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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