Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
