just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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