I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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