He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
