Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
