Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
