I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
