i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
