I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
