i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
