Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
