I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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