I am puke
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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