and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
