I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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