You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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