i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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