home. puking in laundry basket.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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