i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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