theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
