if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
