I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
