Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
