Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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