from now on my penis is your penis
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Randomize
