Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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