Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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