I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
