So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize