I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
