It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
