I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize