i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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