I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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