She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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