It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize