so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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