NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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