I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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