Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
